Vol 17: No cage too small
There’s a stark difference between being captured and then imprisoned versus being born into captivity. The major difference is in the mindset of the prisoner. A man once free and then locked up oscillates between anger and depression, drowning in the loss of the freedom he once enjoyed. Someone born into it, however, simply cannot appreciate this loss with the same level of desperation and comprehension. Slaves may never have known what freedom felt like but they knew they longed for it.
The same can be said for a caged bird. One that soared amongst the clouds one day and is then placed in a small enclosure, without a chance for escape, on the next is bound to have a more disturbing experience than one born and raised under the shackles of confinement.
Bearing that in mind, it is then easy to imagine that the greatest difficulty prisoners must face is this inherent sense of loss of their individual liberty. The Greek statute for justice is an international symbol for lawful equity and it can typically be seen in courthouses, legal offices and law schools throughout the world. In each depiction, Lady Justice holds an unsheathed sword in one hand as she uplifts a balanced scale in the other.
More recent delineations, most familiar to this generation, also depict her wearing a blindfold. While the sword represents a transparent and respectful enforcement of the law, the blindfold and scale represent the impartiality of the justice administered; one that weighs the evidence equally and is not influenced by fame, gender, race, politics or wealth.
More than five years ago, along with several other assailants, my patient was arrested on two counts of murder and attempted robbery. He describes it as the most horrible and harrowing experience of his life and he’s been fighting to clear his name ever since. The stress has affected him profoundly both mentally and physically. He’s lost weight, suffers with anxiety and often times has difficulty sleeping. On the night in question, he was at home resting when he received a call from an acquaintance asking for a ride.
After the sudden death of his childhood best-friend years prior, he was rarely seen hanging out with anyone apart from his girlfriend and close family members. But this acquaintance was a friend of his deceased best-friend so he betrayed his intuition and obliged his request. He picked him up and then a few other men and dropped them to their destination without asking any questions. He said goodnight and then went back home unaware that those same men would engage in armed robbery and kill two people during the commission of their crime. It wasn’t until three days later, one day after the bodies were discovered, that he was arrested and charged as an accomplice.
The day he was arrested, still in his early-twenties, he was taken to prison and strip-searched. Immediately following that, a fight between two rival gangs ensued and the entire area descended into absolute chaos. A swarm of officers ran into the cell block brandishing weapons and spraying mace to curtail the uproar. Prisoners could be heard screaming and cursing with a maddening pitch that he’d never experienced. He immediately became paranoid and went into survival mode.
The first night was a surreal experience because once they slammed the bars behind him the reality of his situation finally sunk in. It took him hours to fall asleep and for a short while, he dreamt that he was at home in bed but quickly awoke and realized the horror of his new reality. It was the last time he dreamt while incarcerated.
His mother secured a lawyer on his behalf but he was denied bail. He barely ate for two to three weeks because the food made him vomit violently. By this time, he was moved from central intake to the remand center and shared a closet-sized cell with three other men. Unfortunately, the toilet wasn’t working so he had to vomit, urinate and defecate into a bucket with them watching. But it wasn’t until he was moved to the security block and had to share a cell with six other men that he truly understood the hardships of his predicament. He had to be with them for 23 hours a day. His only reprieve was the one hour daily allotted for him to shower and exercise but even that was cut down to 30 or 45 minutes depending on the officer in charge.
My patient’s biggest health issue occurred one day when he arose from sitting for hours on a hard surface and felt a sharp shooting pain to the back of his hip that radiated down his thigh to his leg. The pain became more agonizing as the days wore on and his symptoms progressed to include distal leg, foot and ankle swelling. The pain eventually became so unbearable that he had difficulty walking and medical attention was sought. His lower extremity pain was diagnosed to be from a pinched nerve in his back. A course of oral anti-inflammatories, stretching and muscle relaxers fortunately resolved his symptoms.
On a daily basis he was asked to join a gang or to take drugs and he refused each time. He kept his head down and stayed humble. He read his bible daily and life eventually became more tolerable. He admits that it’s easy to break down and compromise your ethics to fit in but his family and his religion saved him. Both his father and grandmother, are now deceased so he often thought about his mother and he had to train his mind to live outside of the prison walls.
He’s learned over the years to overcome any suicidal ideations or the inclination to be swallowed by his depression by recognizing that there is no cage too small that can break you if you remember that ‘this too shall pass’. Paradoxically, I’d imagine that the family and loved ones of the victims of this crime feel exactly the opposite. They understandably have a more negative contraposition and are eagerly looking forward to the conviction of every person involved in this crime, no matter how minor the role played.
That then begs the question, how responsible are we for the actions of others in the eyes of the law? Words written years ago into constitutional law have little regard for a mother whose only son is locked up for a crime he claims he had no part of. How his situation may have been altered if he were either white, rich or politically connected is open to debate.
Funny enough, my patient doesn’t blame the penal system within our country for his predicament. What troubles him is the immediate presumption of guilt and the difficulty and the length of time required to fight your case and regain your freedom. He spent nearly three years in prison waiting for his day in court. At the end of his trial, half the jury found him guilty and half found him innocent. So, he is currently out on bail with an ankle monitor waiting for his case to be re-tried but being out of prison is not the same as being free.
Since his release, life has been challenging and he’ll never be the man he was before he was arrested even if he beats the charges against him. He is forever changed by the experience in both good and bad ways. He’s less trusting of people but at the same time he’s more appreciative of his loved ones. He’s also had mixed experiences with how people have treated him but he chooses to ignore the negativity. The message he hopes that people can take from his story is that life can shift in an instant and in those moments, you truly get to see who you can trust and depend on in your time of need.
Birds that have been injured then rehabilitated at animal welfare facilities never hesitate to leave when finally released. They quickly fly high into the air and migrate thousands of miles, wings stretched to capacity, gliding and like my patient, happy to return to a life of normalcy, changed but unbroken by the small disconcerting cage that once restricted their freedom.
This is The KDK Report.
