Vol 32: Through thick and thin
Relationships, both romantic and platonic, are often complicated and even ones that have lasted for years can begin to wane beneath the pressure of distance and time. But everyone crosses our path for a reason and, if fortunate enough, there are times when you meet someone who uplifts you and replaces the internal dark void of hurt and loneliness with love and support.
Some people are meant to be in our lives for a short time to teach us a lesson and others are destined to stand by your side forever, holding your hand and supporting you through thick and thin and across every peak and valley. My patient understands this all too well and she recently shared how she and her best friend developed an unbreakable bond. Her mother calls her a queen so, for the sake of this report, I’ll refer to her as Elizabeth and her best friend as Margaret.
They first met while working at a hotel casino as croupiers. Elizabeth was 26 and Margaret was three years her senior, already married and incredibly focused on what she wanted to do in life. She had her own home and she was in a travel club so every year she travelled to the most exotic places in the world. Elizabeth felt deep admiration for her and the two instantly became friends. They quickly learned that they lived less than a block away from one another so they decided to commute to and from work.
Silence can quickly destroy a friendship and, in the same manner, constant communication can build and solidify it, so riding together every day brought Elizabeth and Margaret so close that despite the differences in their lives, they became practically inseparable. Many people actually thought that they were sisters. When Elizabeth became pregnant with her first child and got married, Margaret helped her in every way possible. They shared recipes and stories about television shows, their life goals, their relationships and their children but most importantly they listened to and supported one another. They sang all the time and laughed and, for both of them, those days were among the happiest times of their lives.
Over time, their work shifts changed and even though they still spoke daily, they weren’t able to carpool as much as before. Then suddenly one day, when Elizabeth was driving into work, she saw Margaret sitting alone in her car so she pulled over. Without saying anything and with tear-filled eyes, Margaret showed her best friend the doctor’s report that she’d received earlier that day. It explained in extensive medical detail and jargon that Margaret had an aggressive form of breast cancer. Both breasts were affected and she required medical intervention at a hospital in the United States immediately to save her life.
The entire world was frozen and Elizabeth was in shock. She leaned in and embraced her best friend, utterly confused and terrified about why this was happening. She reassured Margaret as best she could and, holding her hand, they prayed for a miracle. Margaret’s husband worked for an airline and his work hours were intense so Elizabeth accompanied her best friend to all of her doctor’s appointments. She kept track of her medications and requested time off work whenever they had to travel abroad.
Following surgery to remove both breasts, Margaret underwent an intense regimen of chemotherapy and radiation that stripped the stamina from her legs and many times left her painful, nauseous and too weak to walk. Not even 30 and despite her symptoms, during this time, she always had the spirit of a warrior and continued to smile. Her treatment lasted for one year and together they received the news that Margaret was cancer-free. She had beaten death and earned her right to live so they celebrated all week. They both had an overwhelming sense of relief knowing that they’d still be there for one another in their old age.
Three months later, Margaret travelled alone back to the hospital in the United States for a quick follow-up suspecting that it would be a relatively simple trip. When she returned within a week, she called Elizabeth and whispered on the phone that she was back. Elizabeth assumed that she was tired, which is why she was whispering. She couldn’t wait to see her and stopped by her home after work but nothing could have possibly prepared her for what she saw.
Margaret looked as though she had lost at least 30 pounds, aged 10 years and was hooked to an oxygen machine. Her cancer had returned and metastasized throughout her entire body. Elizabeth’s legs began to shake uncontrollably and as hard as she tried to be strong, she broke down. At that point she knew that one of the persons she loved most in this world, her best friend and soul sister of 10 years, was dying right before her eyes and she was entirely helpless to stop it.
The following day, Margaret was admitted to a local hospital. She deteriorated quickly. For the first time, Elizabeth saw fear in her eyes. As she was preparing to leave so that she could go home and breast feed her baby, Margaret, with her voice now quiet and raspy in an almost desperate plea, asked Elizabeth to stay for just a little longer. At that moment and with a sense of dread, Elizabeth called their pastor to come and pray with them. She left shortly after that, went home, fed her baby and got dressed for work but by the time she reached the casino, she was called off the floor.
Elizabeth was Margaret’s emergency contact and the hospital was on the phone. Margaret had flat lined and despite every effort to revive her, she could not be resuscitated and was pronounced dead 15 minutes prior to their call. Elizabeth dropped the phone and fell to the floor. She screamed and her supervisor frantically tried to console her but it was impossible. When she got home, she saw all of the souvenirs that Margaret bought her from every single place that she’d travelled and she once again began to cry knowing that her absence would create an irreplaceable dark void in her heart forever.
The death of her best friend taught her that time waits for no one. Years later, when she went through an incredibly bitter divorce from her husband, she felt Margaret’s absence acutely and when her son was brutally and mysteriously murdered while travelling a few years ago, it left her broken, depressed and near-suicidal.
With time, and day by day she got up, brushed off any negative thoughts, went to work and eventually began to smile. She found love again, remarried and her current husband has been incredibly supportive. Although no one can ever replace Margaret, she has also been blessed to develop an enduring sisterhood with another dear friend.
Breast cancer screenings via mammogram should typically start at age 40, unless as in Margaret’s case, there is a strong family history. The message that my patient wanted to share is that it’s never too early to start self-exams and then get tested immediately if something doesn’t feel normal.
She also insists that if you ever find a friend that you can rely on constantly, both emotionally and financially, hold on tight and never let go. Never take them for granted or forsake them for another person and constantly offer one another love, respect, trust and support. Elizabeth recalls that her grandmother often said that one good friend, outside of a spouse, is more valuable than money because they’ll replenish you whenever you are weakened. Her Christian faith has gotten her through many hardships and she hopes her story can help others with theirs.
I was incredibly blessed to be born into a truly loving family and have developed a few great friendships over the years, but I recognize that not everyone shares this same good fortune. Nonetheless and under the right circumstances, today’s report reinforces the notion that friends can become the family that we choose and hopefully, in time, the family we want, need and ultimately deserve.
This is The KDK Report.
