Vol 47: Above all else, part 2
There are certain definitive sink or swim moments throughout our lives that define each and every one of us. Those moments, while outwardly silent but internally screaming, require hope, stamina and strength of character to survive. This necessary strength is bolstered by knowing that someday, over time and as the seasons change, life will once again become bearable and if fortunate enough, happy and fulfilled.
Last week we started with part one of Rebekah’s life story, a true life tale of a Bahamian who’s endured more than any one human being should ever be asked to tolerate, especially a woman of such kindness and courage. We pick up today where we left off last Monday.
Still reeling from the breakdown of her near 20-year marriage, getting stabbed, shot and the death of her beloved parents, Rebekah had made it through each ordeal emotionally strong and aware of the considerable alchemy required to push forward. As the years passed, she focused on her three children, her teaching career and her life regained some level of comfortable normalcy.
Rebekah’s sons had moved out and started a life of their own but her daughter and young grandson lived at home with her determined never to leave her side after nearly losing her in two separate acts of violence. But in a cruel twist of fate, it was Rebekah who had to take care of her daughter after she was abruptly diagnosed with an aggressive form of Lymphoma. When her daughter began to lose weight and constantly felt tired and out of breath, Rebekah knew something was wrong. It wasn’t until she began to palpate swollen masses in her armpits and neck region that they both truly became concerned.
A battery of tests revealed that the cancer had extensively invaded her immune system. Rebekah now knew that the trials she’d endured and the strength she mustered to survive were so that she could teach her daughter how to do the same. She had her entire life ahead of her and once again Rebekah found herself in the position of pleading with someone she loved desperately not to die. But unlike her elderly mother, Rebekah’s daughter agreed to fight.
She endured long bouts of chemotherapy and radiation and a rollercoaster ride of good, followed by bad news. Rebekah stood by her side through every attack of nausea and vomiting and moments of crying, anger and despair. They enjoyed every second that she was pain free and talked a lot about food and family. In the end, her fight proved unsuccessful. Rebekah’s daughter died having fought a remarkably heroic fight, entrusting the care of her only son to her mother.
The loss of her daughter caused a painful and dark void in Rebekah’s soul that she never thought possible. She’d been through so much – the regular infidelity of her husband, the stabbing attack by a mistress, moving back in with her parents, losing both of them one right after the other and being shot at close range by an armed robber – in each case, Rebekah fought through the darkness and struggled to find the light. But this time, the loss was almost too much.
She fought depression and being swallowed by its never-ending abyss, day and night for months to stay strong for her remaining children and grandson. Because of it, she and her grandson became incredibly close. Her sons were now grown so having him need her gave her the will to get up every day. Seeing him smile again as she hugged him every night before bedtime filled her soul with love.
One night a year later when he awoke to the smell of something burning, he quickly ran to be at his grandmother’s side. Rebekah got up to determine where the smell was coming from but by then it was too late. An electrical surge had caused the fan in her grandson’s bedroom to spontaneously burst into flames, quickly igniting his window curtains. Before Rebekah knew it, his bedroom was engulfed in fire. She ran with him outside to safety but within less than an hour, her entire home, the home of her parents, with all its cherished possessions collected over the course of several lifetimes, was now gone.
Rebekah felt numb and powerless as her grandson held a tight death-grip on her leg sobbing over what had just transpired. She felt like she’d somehow failed her parents and her daughter, frantically worrying if something she had done or failed to do had caused the fire.
Using a neighbor’s phone, she called her sons. When they arrived on the scene, she left with one son as the other stayed to preserve any uncharred belongings that he could retrieve in the dark. Unable to bear the sight and unwilling to expose her grandson to any further fumes, Rebekah had to go. She smiled as her son kissed her goodnight but cried as she lay in his guest bed, unable to fall asleep.
Rebekah overheard her sons talking on the phone about rebuilding her home. It comforted her to know that she wasn’t alone and their support, along with that of her siblings, her co-workers and church community was the tower of strength that she needed to push through the pain and doubt. But as the construction of her home neared completion, everything stopped as the Covid-19 pandemic struck. She and her family followed every precaution and initially they fared well but a year in, one of her sons was exposed.
His symptoms progressed quickly. He went from having a mild fever with general fatigue and complete loss of taste to a dreadful cough, extreme body aches and difficulty breathing. Being isolated from him was insufferable and Rebekah never got a chance to hold him and plead with him to fight because three years following the death of his sister, he died. Rebekah was ill-prepared to outlive another child.
Now, the woman with an irregular heartbeat that had been stressed time and time again felt as if her heart were broken in two, never to be mended. The loss was unbearable and yet, eventually she did rebound enough to share her story and leave us with a message about the importance of living in the moment.
Among us, there are many unsung heroes who quietly live grateful for every second of life, oftentimes because they’ve come so close to losing it. They’ve endured so many egregious hardships that hearing and reading about them simply seems unbelievable. I’m amazed at the resilience that so many of my patients have shown throughout their lives and I am forevermore grateful that they are willing to share their journey so that others can grow.
The death of her children left Rebekah emotionally vacuous and broken. She wasn’t finished loving them, worrying about them and seeing them every day. But despite it all, her take-home message is that even though you face trials in life, you can never give up. You have to have faith, keep moving forward and keep surviving.
Now, at almost 80 years old, Rebekah reflects on her life with a small measure of sadness and despondence. It wasn’t the life that she dreamed of as a young girl growing up on the island of Andros, happily running in her parent’s backyard and dreaming of a day when she’d be an adult with her own home and family. But despite it all, Rebekah gives God thanks daily.
Others may think that she’s cursed based on the challenges that she’s faced but Rebekah willingly shared her story because she knows that she’s infinitely blessed. Whatever storm has come her way, she’s survived against all odds, stronger, wiser, more empathetic and above all else, fully capable of finding absolute happiness in the simplest of things - the things that truly matter.
This is The KDK Report.
