Vol 64: A long way down, part 2
In an effort to combat illicit drug use amongst minors, U.S. First lady Nancy Regan created the slogan ‘Just say no’ in the mid-1980s, just as the war on drugs ramped up in the United States. The campaign was international and throughout her husband’s presidency, it became her mission to educate children about the danger of peer-pressure and the physical and social ramifications of drug addiction.
Her emotional pleas, unfortunately, never found their way to The Berry Islands where my patient’s father was born. Last week, I shared the story of Ashley and her father Henry, whose crippling Cocaine addiction led him to a life on the streets for over four decades. Where we last left off, Henry suddenly fell 15-feet out of a tree and broke his back. This is the conclusion of their remarkable story.
Screaming in agony, Henry was wheeled into the emergency room by the paramedics who transported him to the hospital. Because of his life-long addiction, even four bags of Morphine, a strong opioid analgesic and schedule-2 narcotic, weren’t enough to subdue his pain. So, he oscillated in and out of consciousness.
With Ashley’s consent, he underwent emergency surgery which allowed him to maintain mobility in his upper extremity but Henry was permanently paralyzed from the waist down. Upon hearing the news, he became distraught and inconsolable. Life on the streets is hard enough without being crippled. Beyond that, he needed his legs to get drugs so to him this was an absolute death sentence. He remained in hospital until he was stable enough to be discharged at which point Ashley assumed responsibility for his care.
By the time she moved Henry into her two-bedroom apartment, she had two children of her own. Henry was discharged wearing diapers and Ashley had to change them when soiled, bathe him and cook his food, while taking care of her children and working full time. It was a humbling experience and the role was extremely taxing. Many nights Ashley cried herself to sleep, afraid that she was failing and disappointing everyone in her life, never herself realizing that she was the only thing keeping them going.
Friends and family members abandoned Ashley early on, one by one, frustrated by her requests for assistance. So, she managed alone. Henry wasn’t eligible to be placed in a nursing facility because he couldn’t use the restroom without assistance. Once a week she took him to a geriatric clinic for a check-up and had to physically lift him out of bed to do so. Whenever his physicians ordered tests and diagnostic scans, she knew she’d struggle to eat for the month because of their associated costs. Once, after having to take out a loan to pay for his MRI, she lived without electricity for eight months but everyday she got up and went to work with a smile on her face.
Henry refused to attend physical therapy and he became so depressed that he cried every day. He endured two long years of withdrawal symptoms with extreme mood swings. He didn’t want to live with anyone, confessing that he’d be better off dead or on the streets. As much as it pained her, Ashley realized that she wasn’t equipped to give her father what he needed, so once again she searched for an alternative. Fortunately, with the help of social services, she was able to get Henry into Sandilands rehabilitative center and that changed his life forever.
The night that Ashley left Henry at Sandilands, she cried. He’d occupied so much of her time that she felt empty in his absence. Her children were her only source of consolation and happiness. To them, she wasn’t a failure.
Ashley visited Henry every single day, so that he’d never doubt her love or feel like she abandoned him. Eventually, a group of women who worked at Sandilands pulled her aside and told her to stop worrying. ‘We have him’ they said and in such a reassuring tone that Ashley felt more relief in that one moment that she had in ten years. It was under their supervision that Henry blossomed.
They were Henry’s cheer squad and constantly laughed with him, treating him like a friend and encouraging him daily. Soon enough, Ashley got a call to bring Henry some boxers because he no longer needed to wear diapers. Others finally saw what she always did, that her father wasn’t a bad man, he was just broken. And now this broken, drug-addicted man, once scorned and discarded by society, had become a patient advocate.
Henry was put in charge of directing visitors where to go and escorting other patients down to the chapel. He even joined the choir and loved to sing but nothing made him light up more than seeing his daughter and being with animals. Henry loved dogs because they, like Ashley, always saw him as human and loved him unconditionally no matter his appearance. When he learned how to use a cell phone, he’d video call Ashley at all hours of the night just to see her and ask how her day was.
For the seven years following his fall, Ashley had a father and her children had a grandfather. Her father and son even bonded over a wheel-chair competition that they won three years in a row at Sandilands. After a lifetime of yearning, Ashley had her own Mrs. Doubtfire and it was worth the struggle. Sadly, a little over a year ago, Henry died alone in the hospital at the age of 73 from pneumonia, one month after he contracted Covid-19. He had no medical ailments and was not on any medication at the time of his death. Ashley misses him every day but she reminds herself to laugh and consistently celebrates his memory.
The lesson from her story that Ashley wanted to share with readers is the importance of having compassion and empathy for your fellow man. Love must be unconditional she adds, noting that you never truly know what people are going through. A lot of people would have walked away but she couldn’t because she chose to honor her father as the Bible commands, and love him unconditionally. Since Henry’s death, Ashley has fostered many children because as a single mother who struggled for so long, she has a passion for helping others.
This report reminds us all that when we lose our way, stumble and fall, what’s truly important isn’t where you start but how you finish. And while it might seem like you’ve fallen a long way down, that just makes the journey to the top sweeter when you rise and climb back up. It also teaches us to look beyond the cover and instead focus deeply on the pages of those we repeatedly interact with.
Christians throughout the world understand that life on Earth is not supposed to be perfect, because that comfort is reserved for a heavenly afterlife should you deserve it. Instead, life on Earth is our opportunity to learn, to love, to protect, to forgive and to teach. Imagine how different Henry, and by extension Ashley’s, life would have been if someone had been there for him at a young age to show him a better path. Today, more than ever, children need parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and mentors to teach these principles. The power of presence is profound and showing up will always matter.
This is The KDK Report.
