Vol 88: The Angel on my shoulder
In a moment of self-reflection, it is not unusual for an overwhelming torrent of emotion to inexplicably take hold of your soul as you plummet into a dark void. In that downward spiral, your heart feels like it’s being squeezed, your breath sucked out, and you wonder if the slow beat of a once happy heart will ever return. In those moments of grief and melancholy, even the strongest amongst us can succumb to the tentacles of depression. It’s unbelievably harder when the one experiencing the unexpected is still a teen.
For some, in those moments of darkness, as it did for my patient, the Angel on your shoulder offering whispers of hope, empathy and compassion pulls you from the swamp of despair encouraging you to move forward and reminding you with stealth-like fervor that better days are yet to come.
The patient featured in today’s report, hereafter referred to as Robert junior (RJ), is 17 years old. For two years, he and his family were in a kaleidoscope of never-ending darkness. But inherently, RJ is a fighter buoyed by his Christian faith. Determined to shake off the heaviness of his grief, he fought through his suffering day and night. Rocked by tragedy at a young age and with miles to go before normality, this, for now, with his father’s blessing, is RJ’s remarkable story.
Born one of four children, RJ says that he had an amazing childhood. He recalls playing with his two brothers and sister often and when his cousins were with them, the fun was infinitely multiplied. They played games of tag, hide and seek, football, baseball and basketball. They cycled and on special occasions they’d go to the beach and race one another in-between explorations for sunken pirate treasure.
Those fun-filled moments also came with injuries. RJ has injured almost every part of his body from falls and scrapes but with three boys, his parents were accustomed to patching broken skin. Case in point, when RJ threw a rock in the air and it landed back on him with such gravitational force that it lacerated the top of his head, his parents placed salt on the area and told him to walk it off. In that instant, RJ’s pain increased exponentially but his wound never became infected, healed quickly and most importantly, he never made that mistake again.
During the Christmas holidays many years ago, one of RJ’s happiest childhood memories was vacationing in Atlanta with his family. The winter’s chill was at its peak and absolutely bone-chilling but RJ embraced the season’s change. It was a welcomed reprieve from the constant hot weather he’d been accustomed to growing up in The Bahamas.
While abroad, he vaguely recalls visiting a mountain and other similar tourist attractions but he vividly remembers laughing almost non-stop with his cousins and siblings. That Christmas, his parents bought him a Nintendo 3DS – a solid bucket-list item – that made him jump for joy and dance about the living room as his siblings tore through their gifts simultaneously. RJ’s father smiled with pride but his mother Nakia (an alias) chuckled as her feet pulsated in perfect choreography to the rhythm of her son’s impromptu dance compilation. They each hoped that feeling could last forever and, unsurprisingly, their gratitude for that shared memory persists undiluted by time.
Nakia worked in the hospitality industry for most of her life but left to become a stay-at-home mother after the birth of her last child, RJ’s younger brother. His dad, Robert (Sr), enjoyed working with his hands and found work as a plumber with his uncle immediately after high school. He’s been in the field for almost 30 years now and has slowly built a reputation as one of the best on the island. Nakia and Robert were high school sweethearts and they worked tirelessly to provide a nice home for their children, instilling in them the importance of hard work, faith, kindness and gratitude.
In 2018, while getting out of her car, Nakia injured her foot. The entire area immediately became swollen and the pain was intense. When it didn’t subside after a week, she saw a doctor and was diagnosed with a sprain. Routine blood work was ordered as a precaution to eliminate the possibility of an infection and to Nakia’s surprise, her blood sugar was dangerously elevated. Subsequent tests revealed she had Type II Diabetes so she was placed on medication and her blood sugar levels remained under control for many years until it wasn’t.
In the summer of 2021, at the peak of Covid-19, the entire household became infected. After a week, everyone started to feel better with over-the-counter cough medicine and vitamins but Nakia’s symptoms were worsening. Scientists have postulated that by entering and attacking the cells of the pancreas (an organ within the abdomen that regulates blood sugar), the Covid-19 virus, amongst other damaging characteristics, alters the way the body processes glucose causing blood sugar levels to rise unabated.
Robert took his wife to see a doctor and she was placed on an IV drip. They were never told what medications were administered but to them it didn’t matter because by the time her drip was finished, she felt a lot better and her family was relieved to see her almost back to normal. But by the following morning, Nakia struggled to breathe and felt even worse than before. Not wanting to take any chances, Robert and their eldest son helped get Nakia into the car and took her to the hospital. She was admitted immediately but because of strict Covid-19 protocols they couldn’t stay. Throughout the day, in the few short hours since she’d been gone, her absence was noticeable and the quiet was palpable. So, the family thought of ways to cheer her up when she came home.
Early the following morning, before the last remnants of the moon’s shadow disappeared, RJ was awoken by a loud scream. His sister was crying but he didn’t react, thinking that he was still dreaming. Not long after, his father entered the bedroom that he shared with his younger brother. Robert sat on their bed and fighting through his own tears, he told his two youngest sons that the hospital called and said that their mother had passed away.
With those words, RJ’s entire world shifted. He remained in shock for several hours but reality set in when family members and neighbors trickled into their house. It was only then that he realized his life would never be the same. He was 15years old at the time. For the next year, RJ barely ate and rarely had a night of uninterrupted sleep. To this day, he wishes that he told his mother how much he loved her before she left for the hospital, hugged her longer and more tightly and told her that she was the best mommy in the world.
Still carrying out daily duties robotically, tears streamed from RJ’s blood-red eyes like an endless river day after day as he drowned, alone and choking in the dark. Life was so unbearable and eclipsed by pain that it took all his strength just to get out of bed. His grades suffered and initially he hated people reminding him about his mother’s death or seeing friends with their own mother but eventually his support system helped him break through the fog.
Today, RJ says that he wants the world to know that his mom was the best person he’s ever known. She was loving and kind, generous, really friendly and always optimistic about life. She was strict and made sure that he and his siblings completed their chores and homework but no one cheered louder when they succeeded at anything or laughed more heartily at their jokes. She gave the best, warmest hugs and was an amazing cook. Her favorite food was pasta and she loved television shows like Bridgerton and Judge Judy. Nakia died at the age of 43.
RJ’s take-home message to readers is to put God first and have faith that everything happens for a reason. He challenges both young kids and adults to always appreciate their parents and tell them you love them even when they make you mad because one day you’ll wake up and they’ll be gone. He’s also incredibly grateful for his family but especially his father who more than anyone in his life has been a shining example of what super heroes look like.
For so long after his mother’s death, when RJ closed his eyes, the only thing he saw was her and the weight of that loss was crippling. But today, he can talk about her and smile. Remembering her laugh comforts him as he thinks about his future, knowing that she’ll always be an Angel on his shoulder guiding him for the rest of his life journey, until they meet again.
This is The KDK Report.
