Vol 92: A different story
Imagine on a quiet, rainy weekend reading a book and, in this book, the first few chapters transport you to a distant land of fairies and goblins. A land where good always conquers evil and love can move mountains. It’s the kind of dreamy, feel-good book you read often as a child. So, wholly relaxed, you snuggle tightly inside your blanket and quickly become fully emersed in the words as they jump off the page, flow through every pore of your body and make you part of the cast of characters.
Early in the story, you learn about a prince and his family who live in a castle surrounded by crystal clear waters with magical healing powers. The king is aging and wants an heir. So, the beloved prince sets out to find a bride and, in his quest, he discovers a woman held captive by goblins. In a daring rescue, the prince rides in on a majestic black horse, which startles the goblins and they quickly flee in absolute terror. The prince and his damsel in distress gaze into each other’s eyes and immediately fall madly in love, doves fly overhead and the stage is set for them to live happily ever after.
Now imagine turning the page and reading an entirely different story. The reader is unceremoniously sucked into a new, post-apocalyptic, dimension and in this dimension, there are no sparkling white doves or fairy godmothers. Just darkness and violence. The switch from one scene to the next was so abrupt and without warning that it shocks you into disbelief creating a whip-lashed effect. That warm snuggled feeling you felt only seconds ago is now gone and your head is spinning.
In real life, according to the patient featured in today’s report, that scenario is analogous to what it was like growing up with someone diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder. At any given moment it felt like the world shifted and you were reading a completely different book. It was exhausting, scary and, at times, terribly frustrating for her and every member of her family. My patient, hereafter referred to as Melissa, willingly shares this story in hopes that readers may develop a better appreciation and sustained empathy for what others go through in similar circumstances.
As a child, Melissa grew up in a house with three brothers and a constant influx of neighbors, church members and cousins who’d spend weekends with the family, assisting their mother with whatever work needed tending. In exchange, they received food and occasionally temporary shelter. To this day, she remembers it as a house filled with happiness. Melissa and her brothers were always incredibly close and their childhood was ripe with idyllic moments playing together either alone or with school mates.
When her older brother Jermaine graduated from high school, he began dating Joy (both aliases) whom he’d initially met at school. Ironically, they didn’t become friendly until the thought of never running into one another ever again crossed their minds. Within one month of dating, Joy became pregnant and was introduced to Melissa and the rest of the family. Melissa and Jermaine’s mother asked Joy to move in with them once the baby was born so that Grammie could help raise her grandchild. But, not long after, Joy lost her job. No longer able to pay rent, she moved in prior to giving birth. She wasn’t close to her own family so the opportunity for her child to grow up in a loving home was too appealing to pass up.
As the pregnancy progressed, however, Joy’s personality changed. She became angry for no reason, and without instigation, often threw things and screamed so loudly that neighbors down the street could hear her. Her outbursts grew more frequent by the day. She often made derogatory comments to family members and started to become violent with Jermaine, punching and hitting him when she didn’t like her food, or someone looked at her for too long. She constantly accused family members of going into her room and would cry inconsolably for hours eventually filing police reports against Jermaine for being abusive. As extreme as it had become, Jermaine still attributed her outbursts to the pregnancy and her hyper-emotional state from a hormonal imbalance. Melissa knew something else was at play.
When Jermaine and Joy went to her pre-natal doctor’s visit at a public health clinic, one of the nurses recognized Jermaine and started talking to him. Within seconds, Joy became violent and began to attack her. Embarrassed, Jermaine dragged Joy back to the car and drove her home. She was seven-months pregnant at the time. Later, he called the clinic to apologize and the nurse told him that she understood and wanted to ensure that Joy was still taking her medication. Confused, Jermaine asked if she meant her pre-natal vitamins and the nurse responded, no. She wanted to know if Joy was still taking her anti-psychotic medication.
That day, Jermaine learned that Joy had been in and out of a psychiatric hospital since childhood for violent outbursts associated with severe bipolar disorder with psychosis and extreme shifts between mania and depression. He later realized that throughout the pregnancy, Joy stopped taking her medication causing symptoms, he’d previously never realized she had, to return. Everything now made sense and the news left him and their entire household gutted, speechless and stunned. They were living with a pregnant woman struggling with a profound mental illness and they had no idea how to proceed.
Bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme shifts in mood from highs (mania) to lows (depression). The exact cause is unknown but it is more likely to occur in individuals with a family history. There is no cure but symptoms can be controlled with certain medications, psychotherapy and other conservative options.
Jermaine spoke to a doctor and was assured that as long as Joy remained on her medication, her outbursts would be more controlled and she should be able to have a healthy delivery which she did. But, after she had the baby, a girl, she stayed in her room with the door locked and only exited when she needed to eat or go to the bathroom.
At one point, when Jermaine had taken their daughter out into the living room, Joy became so enraged that she took her shoe and flung it at the crystal chandelier with so much force that it shattered into pieces. Within a minute, the chandelier fell and one of the glass fragments landed on the baby’s head, leaving her with a noticeable scar that’s never healed. She was only a few months old at the time.
The police were called and Joy was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for several months. Once she was released, Jermaine’s mother asked him to move out because the conflict between her son and the mother of her granddaughter was too much and she was afraid of the consequences, potentially so extreme as resulting in the death of a family member.
Since then, with fewer people around and more consistency with taking her meds, Joy’s outbursts have been more controlled. But there are still times when she appears completely normal interspersed with periods of pure violence and mania oscillating to crippling depressive episodes. Recently and without cause, for example, she’s gotten into the habit of stripping completely naked and walking down the street only to be pulled over by police multiple times and readmitted to the mental hospital. After a few days of monitoring and medication, she’s released and the cycle continues.
Melissa wants readers to know that as bad as things have sometimes been, she and her family wouldn’t change anything because Jermaine’s daughter is one of the greatest blessings that God has ever granted them. They love her unconditionally and couldn’t imagine a world where she wasn’t in it. So, whatever cross they have to bear to keep her safe and healthy is worth it.
Millions of people in the US alone suffer with bipolar disorder with statistics placing it as high as one in every 40 and as low as one in 100. Knowing it is common, most often first being diagnosed in late teen years, though rarely initially diagnosed in anyone over 40, has made Melissa and her family more empathetic towards others in similar circumstances and the trials that they endure. Joy eventually moved out and left her daughter in the care of Melissa and her mother. They take Joy food often and even give her money when they can afford to do so. Every day, they pray that she is well and invariably getting the help she desperately needs.
Imagine what you would do if you turned a page in the book of your life and were faced with this situation that Melissa and her family faced. Same book but a different story. Their prayer is that others would handle it with a comparable level of grace and empathy. My prayer is for them to consistently appreciate that mental illness patients are worthy of our compassion. It is not their brain, not their fault, but a condition that needs far more attention. I also pray that collectively as a nation we never forget to understand, show mercy and be kind to others, because in all its forms and splendor, they will always be the highest attributes of man and the greatest gifts we can bestow upon our neighbors and the countless individuals with mental illness whose suffering often times manifests as rage.
This is The KDK Report.
